Ok - so far this has been a confusing and frustrating week. I feel like I pull something out of the suitcase, look at it, and set it aside. I start to feel pretty good about myself and the progress I am making. I think this is where I make my mistake. Because as soon as I start to feel confident and secure in my choice and decision - something creeps back around and low and behold if that same darn thing isn't right back in the stupid suitcase! At this point I am so ready to check my bags - pay the fee for someone else to deal with them. I can't seem to manage them on my own.
So that would be the "Ah-ha" moment! I CAN'T! As long as I am trying to do it own my own - of my own accord I will continue to fail. So how do I do it then? I know the answer - I know HIM well! God needs to take my bags - or more accurately I need to hand them over to Him. Check them at the counter and walk away! Leaving the pain, the hurt, the disappointments, the guilt, the mistakes - all behind at HIS counter of mercy, grace, forgiveness and most of all love.
This sounds like an easy thing right? I mean why wouldn't I want to leave it all behind. Go buy some fresh new luggage? Because we as human beings have a tendancy to want to hold on - to the stuff, the hurts, the life that didn't turn out like we planned, and most of all the control!
It is so hard to just let it go. For one thing what might He ask me to do? To truly give up something that I love - even though it might not be good for me. Or He might ask me to go somewhere and be something I am not comfortable being. To step out of my safe and familiar place in life.
So how do I do that? Am I really willing to do it? If I truly want peace and healing - which I believe will lead to living a bold and courageous life - don't I have to? Because just like checking your bags at the airport now has a price - so does checking my bags with the God who loves me and wants to give me the freedom to live the life He has planned for me!