To Purge

So I decided to look up the definition of PURGE. According to "dictionary.com" the meaning is "to rid of whatever is impure or undesirable; cleanse; purify." OK, then! Boy - if that didn't hit the nail on the head I don't know what would! See the funny - or not - thing is that God pretty much gave me this word, purge, three times in just a matter of days. Now, being one of faith, I take the whole three thing pretty seriously. I am not one who is much into the whole numerology of things - but when it comes to God and giving me lessons...I think 3 is of significance!
So how does one purge? I know it's not easy. My first thought always goes to someone who binges and purges...and I always think - yuck! I have no desire to throw up if I don't have to! There is nothing worse than that if you ask me! I had terrible morning sickness with both of my daughters and might have had one more child if being sick and hanging over the toilet was guaranteed not to happen again! Hence the reason I only have two children!
So to purge requires ridding oneself of whatever is impure or undesirable. Yikes. I have plenty of undesirable stuff - and not just in all those boxes that are stacked to the ceiling of my garage waiting for me to open them. God is showing me some things about myself that I certainly desire to be rid of. Some things that have been part of who I am for over 30 years. So now the question is how...how do I rid myself of the things that have kept me from becoming who God designed me to be - that keep me from my true authentic self. And do I even want to meet her?

Letting it go...

“Sometimes you have to let everything go—purge yourself. If you are unhappy with anything—whatever is bringing you down—get rid of it. Because you will find that when you are free, your true creativity, your true self comes out.”
— Tina Turner

So I just spent the better part of this weekend moving. After living in a rental for 18 months - that was costing me a small fortune... I was fortunate enough to be able to purchase a home for myself. Two years ago if anyone had told me that I would be a single parent AND purchasing my first home(as a single person) I would have told them they were nuts! So anyway...back to the moving...
I have a lot of stuff! A LOT! Now I have managed to justify it - we lived in a very large home and we had all of our childhood things, and I have two kids, and I love to decorate for Christmas, and blah, blah, blah! You would think that moving it from the large home into the rental would have taught me a lesson - not so much! My garage became the storage unit - and I should have spent this summer sifting through it - but at that point I think it was still too fresh and too hard. I was overwhelmed. I never intended to move it AGAIN! There is so much - well, just junk!
So 10 of my friends from church and work came and carried all my JUNK into the new house. It is all stacked up in the garage...and there is plenty in the house too! Not what I would have preferred but - here it is! I have this lovely home, that is all mine - the colors I want - will eventually be decorated the way I want...but all this STUFF! So when I read that quote by Tina Turner - I thought - YEP! Gotta purge! Here I am trying to empty my physical AND emotional suitcases...and Tina Turner speaks to me! Purging...not something I have ever done but I am about to learn more!

Unpacking the Suitcase

So after the Lent service last night, and Paul's use of the backpack for the things that we need to carry on our journey...I had another thought. My bags are so heavy I can hardly even lift them.
I look around my home and see all this STUFF. Stuff - not even stuff that I really want. Just stuff. And we've all heard it said that the way things look on the outside is how they are on the inside.
I have done a great job over the years of presenting myself as "all put together". I appear to have it all - great kids, good job, nice house, decent car, take good vacations, fabulous friends, even at one point most people would have thought I had a good if not even great marriage. But as the saying goes...you just never know what is really on the inside. Don't get me wrong - I am not a complete and total mess...well, I don't think I am! But as I continue this journey toward wholeness - I become more and more aware of just how much stuff I do have - not just on the outside, but importantly on the inside. And at 45, I think it is really time to let it go.
So I begin the job of unpacking the suitcase(s) that I have been lugging around for about 30 years...

So I've entered the world of blogging...

Here goes! I thought who needs one more thing on an already full plate -or platter as I have come to refer to it since the plate just won't hold it all! But as I begin this journey to living a bold and courageuos life - I thought this might give me an accountability partner! Likely won't have too many readers - but I'll be accountable to myself. And at this point that will be the one person I need to be accountable to!
So if you are out there somewhere reading this - what will be ramblings at times - I hope you are able to journey along with me and find your bold and courageous life!