I have about three posts running in my head right now...but as I was getting ready for bed tonight, after putting my two vastly different daughters to bed..this one came to me...we'll see where it goes.
My youngest was hit with a nasty stomach bug Sunday night, was diSTRESSed that she was going to miss school not only Monday, but obviously today too. Thankfully today ended up being a snow day -so she only missed school one day. My oldest I think secretly wanted to get the bug or some form of it so she COULD stay home. So anyway, as I was tucking my youngest in she was in tears because she thought she wasn't prepared for tomorrow. This kid is more organized than most adults - and it is painful to see her get so upset over stuff all the time. Whereas my oldest - who is extremely smart and hasn't had to work hard through school - unlike her sister - seems to care less lately. I can't seem to get her to care! One needs to care less and the other just needs to care more than she currently does which seems like NONE!
Now - the oldest seems cool with her group of nerdy friends - they pride themselves in being nerds or geeks - whichever it is. Different girlfriends come and go and she never seems bothered by it. She just does her thing and SEEMS to be fine with it all The youngest is really having a tough time finding her niche of friends this year. Sixth grade has been a big transition friend-wise for her-she doesn't seem to know where she fits in, her best friend of 5 years seems to have found new best friends and it is killing her. It is all causing her great STRESS. I'm pretty sure she is well on her way to an ulcer at the ripe old age of 11!
All that to get to where I was going in the first place - fitting in. So lately I can relate to Daughter 2(D2). I just haven't been sure where I fit in these days. I keep telling myself I'm okay with it - but it does sort of get to me sometimes. I don't feel like I fit in at my church any longer - funny how starting seminary got in between me and church. I don't feel like I fit in with my usual group of girlfriends - they are all married and I don't know - it's just different lately. I love them, but I just feel like an outlier. (Is that the right word? You know in math when something is way out there from the rest of the group?) I know I don't fit into my job - enough said on that. So, why am I at this point? Why has God brought me here? (Yes, I believe God is responsible!)
Well - I think I get it - or I hope I do anyway! I am an outlier because God needs me to be. He is moving me away from the familiar and what I am comfortable with and towards a new direction. Fitting in (which is part of our human condition - we want to belong) isn't what will take us to the new and exciting places we want to go. Just think of all the great men and women who seemed odd or crazy in history...did they fit in? (I'd name some examples but the only one that comes to mind is Einstein!) So I'm trying to learn to accept that this phase is just part of the journey to what God has in store for me next. Jesus certainly didn't fit in to his culture. I wish I could somehow explain that to D2 - to learn to embrace being different and not always fitting in. To be BOLD and COURAGEOUS in who she is (who I am) and what she believes (and what I believe) and what is important to her (and what is important to me)...
I think D1 has embraced it.
She likes it when I tell her she is weird!
Now if I could just get her to care...