I have been reading this book - Sue Monk Kidd's "When the Heart Waits" - for well over 6 months now. It has been a very powerful book - with metaphors, symbolism and analogies - things I am drawn to. I picked it back up again after not reading it for a few months and was trying to figure out how her analogy of the chrysalis and a butterfly related to my unpacking this very large and overloaded suitcase. Then, as I was reading she mentioned a song coming to her head - "I'm a little tea pot"...you know the one..."when I get all steamed up"...tip me over and pour me out. She went on to say how this is what occurs when we are "cocooning" as she calls it. God shows us things; allows things to bubble up so to speak and then we are to let Him tip us over and pour it all out. Thus allowing room for the good stuff to come in - His mercy, His grace, His forgiveness, and most of all His never ending love for us. So it all made sense to me - I have to get the JUNK out of my suitcase in order to have room for all His good stuff that He so desperately wants me to have! So knowing that there are all of these gifts to come - why does it remain so hard to let the yuck go?
I spent an entire day going through one box, ONE BOX, yesterday! At this rate it'll be 2020 before I get all my STUFF sorted and discarded! Is it going to take that long with my heart and soul too? Like our entire generation I want to be whole and healthy NOW! I want my heart to soar NOW! I don't like this waiting stuff. Why does it take so long? Why must I look at each piece out of the box and be reminded of things I might not want to be reminded of? And do I really have to? I yearn for the freedom that I know awaits me! I long to feel like I have beautiful butterfly wings of blue and pink and purple...to soar and land on lovely flowers here and there. Yet, part of becoming a butterfly requires spending time in that dark cocoon. Peeling away the layers of the stuff that held me to what I was before. A caterpillar?
Peeling away the layers - just as a butterfly emerges carefully - so must we. Waiting is not one of my strong suits - yet as we look to get rid of the old "stuff" we often times must do it slowly & methodically. It can be a painful journey, but as I've learned - a necessary one - one that God guides us through. He takes those pains from us - wipes our tears - heals our heart and then tenderly helps us peel back the next layer. He wants us to be free - to feel true joy - to soar - to be the person He created us to be....in His time.
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